PAINt.

IF I could live off of the creativity flowing from the veins in my body,

IF the strokes of my brush could magically build a roof under my head,

IF that painting on the wall could feed my hungry mouth,

THEN life would be just great.

fantastic.

amazing.

fabulous.

No more straining my eyes to get the reading assignment done. 

No more making flash cards. 

No more dissecting frogs or rats. 

No more histology. 

No more three-hour labs.

No more pH calculations. 

No more Chemistry. 

No more nasty fuck MATH. 

But no.

AND because  the creativity flowing from the veins in my body can't make things happen…

I just have to suffer. And life right now isn't so fabulous.

I want to sleep. I want to have just a little bit more time to sit down and enjoy a meal.

I want just a little room to BREATHE. 

But it's not happening. Not today.

And I just want to paint. And I keep begging Time to just let this little girl PAINT. 

But Time… He just won't allow it. 

In just a few minutes, it will be October once again.

The leaves will soon be coming down.

And more work is waiting to be done. 

I want great, fantastic, amazing, fabulous to happen NOW.

But it comes at a price. It's called PAIN.

But. I just want. to PAINT.

Lists.

Lists are great.

Can you see what is happening?

The bad P-word.

Procrastination.

IT IS EVIL. 

Today is officially the middle of the second week of school.  15 weeks.  5 classes.  3 labs.  5 textbooks.  2 workbooks.  4 lab books.  15-20 hours at work.  Zero time for self.  Great. 

I like to make lists.   Making lists.  How very therapeutic!  Making lists honestly keeps me sane.  It gives me a sense of relaxation.  A break in the middle of a hectic day.  A system of checking for progress, if any.  Or a way of looking forward to tomorrow.

I make lists.  It's what I do.  I have many notebooks and notepads that serve the sole purpose of absorbing the ink coming from my very carefully selected, pretty, colorful (not to mention - costly) pens.  Small notebooks.  Medium notebooks.  Small pads.  Medium pads.  Swirly memo pads.  And serious-looking ones too!  Memo blocks.  Plain paper.  Colored paper.  Lined paper.  Graph paper.  Blank paper.  Paper with flowers.  Paper with flip-flops.  Handbags.  Pretty girls.  Polka dots.  Stars.  Animals.  Paper with inspirational quotes.  Post-its. I loooove post-its!  Paper, paper, and paper.  In a wiiiide array of colors.  My dad complains about the amount of paper I use (and BUY).  Paper, paper, and more paper.  And I use BLACK ink when I'm really mad at myself for not following my previous list.  Now, now… let's not get me started on the pens.  And I bet a few minutes ago you didn't think list-making was so complicated. 

I take list-making VERY seriously! lol.

Here's my most recent one, LOL.

Things NOT to do this Fall:
[] procrastinate
[] prevent myself from being productive
[] party too much
[] waste time on losers
[] talk on the phone for HOURS
[] take the little things for granted
[] stress out over insignificant nonsense
[] look like crap
[] fall apart
[] roll over and die

LIFE.

It can be rough at times. 

Nobody told me life was going to be easy.  Their expectations are high, and mine are even higher.  But right when I hear myself sighing, whining, and complaining… I ask myself, "What do I do now?"

I make yet another list. And life and I? …We fall right back in love again.

PS: WOW.  "I believe" currently has 99 views?  I'm impressed.  Thanks, guys!