PAINt.

IF I could live off of the creativity flowing from the veins in my body,

IF the strokes of my brush could magically build a roof under my head,

IF that painting on the wall could feed my hungry mouth,

THEN life would be just great.

fantastic.

amazing.

fabulous.

No more straining my eyes to get the reading assignment done. 

No more making flash cards. 

No more dissecting frogs or rats. 

No more histology. 

No more three-hour labs.

No more pH calculations. 

No more Chemistry. 

No more nasty fuck MATH. 

But no.

AND because  the creativity flowing from the veins in my body can't make things happen…

I just have to suffer. And life right now isn't so fabulous.

I want to sleep. I want to have just a little bit more time to sit down and enjoy a meal.

I want just a little room to BREATHE. 

But it's not happening. Not today.

And I just want to paint. And I keep begging Time to just let this little girl PAINT. 

But Time… He just won't allow it. 

In just a few minutes, it will be October once again.

The leaves will soon be coming down.

And more work is waiting to be done. 

I want great, fantastic, amazing, fabulous to happen NOW.

But it comes at a price. It's called PAIN.

But. I just want. to PAINT.

I believe…

Someone once asked a guy if he believes in love.  The guy replies, "Yes, but right now believing in love is like believing in unicorns."

My second post gave you a tiny, little glimpse of who I am.  But tonight you're very lucky because I feel like opening up a part of my heart and sharing it to the world.

I am IN LOVE.

I have loved before, and I have lost those battles.  But this time around, there is no war… no games to play… no need to figure out my next move… no need to fight whatever I'm feeling… there is no battle… just… LOVE.  At its best.  And this time around I feel like it's a victory.  I have never quite felt like this before.  I'm happy.  I'm satisfied.  I'm IN LOVE and everything around me is affected by this amazing feeling.  Once I've allowed to let this feeling take over me, everything became so much better.  The sun shines brighter.  My favorite perfume smells better each time I spray it.  My handwriting looks better.  My hair is softer, silkier, and smoother.  Even water tastes better.  I've learned to handle my problems better too (I don't freak out as much as I used to).  He keeps me SANE.  Slightly Sane.

Who's the lucky guy?  He's a great guy.  He's MY guy, MY man, MY mahal (love).  (more…)

"Starry Night" vs. "The Potato Eaters"

 I was probably eleven years old when I started asking my father, an artist (and a great one), about Vincent Van Gogh.  "Starry Night" amazed me even though I only saw pictures of it in art history books, postcards, posters, and on the covers of blank cards.  I was sure that seeing the real thing would be extremely mind-blowing.  I liked "Starry Night" so much that I think, one day, my admiration for the famous Vincent Van Gogh painting led my dad to decide that he's going to make his own version of it.  

And so he did.   And I can see a beautiful "Starry Night" à la Peria whenever I want.  It's resting against one of the walls of our family room.  Sometimes you'll see me sitting on the sofa and assume I'm just watching TV, but sometimes I find myself just staring at its beauty.

Me and my dad… We're not as close as we used to be.  I think it's partially because of the fact that I've grown up.  And partially because we disagree about a lot of things.  Like, let's see… my studies, my eating out habits, my being a squanderer, my extremely messy nature when it comes to my bedroom, etc.  But if there was one thing that we agree about, that one thing would be ART.

We talk about art quite frequently.  Even more lately because I just saw IT.  "Starry Night."  Finally.  (Thank you, Mr. BF, for taking me to the Museum of Modern Art).  It was a great moment.  One that I will always remember.  So great that I'll probably grow old and senile one day, but I'll force myself to keep that memory in my head.  So here's how it happened, my first encounter.  I entered the gallery, holding the hand of the man I love, and I knew where it was because there was a crowd of people admiring it, looking at it.  I looked around at the other pieces closer to the doorway first, Matisse, Picasso, and then I couldn't stand it anymore.  It really drew me in.  Like a force I couldn't control from taking over. 

And there it was.  (more…)

Another Try

So, I guess that was wrong of me not to give a proper introduction. Haha. What was I thinking? Introducing myself through a pile of words, a mess of phrases even I can't understand. Bad Kathryn!

 Okay, here we go…

 My name is Kathryn. I am 21 years old. I'm still in college, and I aspire to be an aging specialist one day. (Whatever that means… just pretend you get it, k?) Yeah, I can be pretty demanding. lol. I work, and I hate it. I don't think I'm your typical 21-year-old. Don't be disappointed. haha. I'm just not into the parties/clubbing thing. Well, at least not anymore and/or not right now. I guess I grew tired of it all, too quickly I must add. See, I turned 21, partied like crazy(not that I didn't party before that)… and now a couple of months later I'm sick of it. My parents must be happy. At this point in my life, I think I've been thinking a lot about the future. Because for a while  I was really eager to be able to drink legally. And now that I can do that… I don't want to. And I'm really starting to think… when I get what I want, after a while do I just… stop wanting it? Or is it satisfaction? Contentment maybe? Sometimes I think I just want… MORE. Don't we all? I keep thinking to myself, there's gotta be more… than THIS. It's not that I'm not happy with my life. I just feel as though I'm missing out on something. Like, there's something I should be doing, and I'm clearly not doing it. AND until I figure out what that is… I'm not drinking alcohol. *crosses arms, glares at unopened Captain Morgan bottle beside my laptop* 

I'm a generally happy person. I just think a lot.  

My family, my friends, my boyfriend… They ARE my world. 

So, I guess that's it for now. Toodles.

An Introduction

I am as stubborn as a rock
And as clear as a golden misty sunset.
I am a mystery to myself.
I am fun, and I'm not emo.
Happy people have problems too.
I smile, I cry
I pretend and lie.
Sometimes I do all that
Without knowing WHY.
And I'll come to an abrupt stop
Once in a while,
And wonder
Am I making sense at all?
Or should I retrace my steps
Reconnect the dots
For once and for all?